1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。

2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊!

3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat youwith experience.


4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。

7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.


8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。

9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。

10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.


12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。

13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.


14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!

15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.


17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.


18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.


19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.


20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a wholebox to start a campfire?


22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?


23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.


25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on thesame night.


26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。

27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..


28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.


29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?


30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!

31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"


32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walkand talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.


33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。

35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.


36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。

37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!a.


38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。

39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装

40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.


41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street witha bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.


42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.


43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.


44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.


45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.


46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.


47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.


48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什么忙?!

50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.





回到首页 发表评论 回到顶部